Why Seoul is a nice place to live (Park, chul hyun)

Several reasons might explain why does Seoul, South Korea, is a good place to live. Above all, there is convenient public transportation. As you can see, Seoul is famous for terrible traffic, but at the same time, there is well-developed public transportation like buses and subways. It’s just like a web, so anyone who wants to go to the destination can use it comfortably. There is, moreover, safe public security. Seoul is one of the safest cities in the world; therefore, anyone can walk streets at night safely without fear. But the most important cause is a well-developed networking system like( the word with would work here, but not like) one of the highest speed internet services in the world, nationwide cellphone connecting, and so on; thus, in South Korea, there is dynamic active internet shopping and developing( you need a noun form to be parallel with internet shopping) so many businesses relying on a cellphone business.

Second Draft

Several reasons might explain why Seoul, South Korea, is a good place to live. Above all, there is convenient public transportation. As you can see, Seoul is famous for terrible traffic, but at the same time, there is well-developed public transportation like buses and subways. It’s just like a web, so anyone who wants to go to the destination can use it comfortably. There is, moreover, safe public security. Seoul is one of the safest cities in the world; therefore, anyone can walk streets at night safely without fear. You can find so many people in downtown Seoul at night and it’s not unique in Seoul. But the most important cause is a well-developed networking system with one of the highest speed internet services in the world, nationwide cellphone connecting, and so on; thus, in Seoul, there is dynamic active internet shopping and so many allied cellphone businesses. You can use the best high-speed internet service in the world for the cheapest price and also choose various kinds of cellphones in Seoul. That’s why I love Seoul.